The Great Pretender: The Pretender's Side
by violetkisses
Summary: Zero had always known Kaname would never be completely his. But he still hoped. So now as he waited for Kaname to come home, Zero realized that it was for naught. Because it was yet another anniversary Kaname had forgotten. KxZ, one sided KainZero
1. Chapter 1

Pairings: KanamexZero, one-sided KainxZero

Warnings: Asshole!Kaname(for a reason that will be presented in the third story), OOC Zero, Kain and other characters, character death

**Read**: This story is the first of The Great Pretender Trilogy so there will be more. Read the A/N at the end of the story to understand more.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way own VK :(( So sad. Fuu.

A/N: So yes, here I am with another VK fic. I hope you guys like it. I am currently obsessed with angsty and dramatic stories so here it is. This fic was just so sad to write :((

* * *

**The Great Pretender: The Pretender's Side**

Zero had always known Kaname would never be completely his. When he got into a relationship with the guy, he knew he would never completely own the brunette. He _knew_ but still he hoped. He hoped that someday Kaname would tell him he loved him, that one day Kaname would look at him with love-filled eyes, that someday Kaname would finally be his.

But after four years of waiting and hoping and longing and failing, Zero was starting to get tired. His hope started to slowly dim. But still he carried on. Still, he hoped.

He gave Kaname everything: His body, his mind, his soul. He would even give up his life for the brunette if he was asked to. But to Kaname, it wasn't enough. It was _never_ enough. It still wasn't enough for him to fall in love with the man named Zero.

And it hurt. It hurt Zero to the core. Because even if he _knew_, even if he had _always _known, it still didn't prepare him for the pain. It didn't prepare his heart for the bruises and wounds Kaname inflicted on it. He was vulnerable, helpless, weak. And it was all because of Kaname.

Zero's glance settled on the wall clock in their apartment. It was still 8:00 PM. The night was still young so Zero waited. And he would continue waiting until Kaname came home, _if _he came.

If.

At precisely 9 o'clock, the doorbell rang. Zero's face lit up. Was it possible? Had Kaname really remembered? The silverette already felt like he was on cloud nine with just the possibility as he ran as fast as he could to the door, only to be disappointed. Because before him was not Kaname, before him was not the love of his life.

It was yet another anniversary Kaname had forgotten.

Zero's smile fell from his face as he saw Takuma. And Zero could see that the blonde was trying his best to put up a happy grin, "Happy 4th year anniversary, Zero!" The blonde thrust a bouquet of flowers to Zero's hand before happily exclaiming, "Kaname ordered them for you, you know? Aren't they beautiful? Calla Lilies, your favourite. But he asked me to tell you he's sorry he couldn't come. He's been so busy lately especially with the merging we're about to have with another company so he asked us to come in his stead."

Zero's lilac eyes met Takuma's as he smiled ruefully. Lies. All of them knew it was a lie. But still no one tried to break the fantasy Kaname's friends created for him. "Is that so?" Zero's voice started to crack, and he hid it with a cough. "Well, you guys should come in then and have dinner with me. I'm starving. It's a good thing I cooked a lot."

At the corner of his eyes, Zero could see Takuma, Kain, Aidou, Shiki and Ruka look at each before they followed him. Lies. They knew it was a lie. They knew that Zero already expected them to show up instead of Kaname. They knew yet they pretended. And Zero..he was thankful for that. Because right now, all he wanted to do was pretend.

* * *

Their 'group date' as they dubbed it was a fun and laugh-filled affair. They talked, joked and played with each other, easily avoiding the topic of Kaname's absence from their night. For just a few hours they would pretend. They would pretend that Kaname was really the one who bought the lilies for Zero, that Kaname was really just busy with work and not other things, and that Kaname really remembered their anniversary. They all pretended and Zero knew it was all for his selfish delusions.

"So Zero, how are you? We haven't seen you for like," Aidou counted the days with his finger, "two weeks now. I missed you, you know! You didn't even call. So cold."

Zero chuckled at the blonde. Really, the man's whining was just too much. And it helped considerably brighten Zero's mood. "I've been well." As well as a loveless man like me could be. "And I didn't really miss your company that much. I actually enjoyed the peace for once."

They all laughed as Zero dodged the flying meat Aidou threw him. They continued to eat, to laugh, to smile, pretending as if there was nothing wrong, pretending as if everything was fine, that everything would be alright.

As the night wore on, Zero found himself watching the stars in the balcony. The others were in the entertainment room now, hogging the 72-inch plasma tv that adorned the room. Zero sighed as he basked in the cold warmth only the night breeze could give him. It was at times like this his mind started to wander, wander to the past when he was happy…when _they _were happy.

Zero wanted to cry. How many anniversaries had Kaname forgotten? How many birthdays? How many dinner dates? How many outings? Zero had lost count. He had stopped counting when the mark reached 10. He had stopped counting when he realized Kaname would never remember. But then again, he still hoped.

And that just intensified Zero's desire to cry. To cry for the innocence he lost, to cry for his love that would never be reciprocated, to cry for Kaname's inability to love, and to cry for his own crumbling heart. But he would save that for later. He would cry when his visitors went home. For now, he would just pretend. Even if it hurt so much.

"Pretending is what I was always good at anyway." He muttered sadly to the star-filled sky.

"You should cry if you want to." Zero let out an unmanly shriek as his senses were filled with a familiar voice.

"Kain! W-what are you doing here?" Had he heard? How long had Kain been standing there anyway?

"I said, you should just cry if you want to." Akatsuki Kain took the spot beside him, leaning his tall and muscular frame against the railing. "Because if you kept it in, you would just be more miserable than you already are."

Zero's eyes were suddenly filled with rage. What the hell did Kain know anyway? What the hell did he _know?_ "Shut up! You don't know anything, Akatsuki. So _shut up._"

Kain's eyes narrowed. "I know enough! I know that you're hurting and I know that you're in pain and I know that you'll endure it because you're still hoping Kaname-sama will love you back!"

"No, Kain. You _think_ you know. But you don't know anything! You don't how," Zero sobbed, "how hard it is to wake up every day on an empty bed. You don't know how hard it is to wait for a call that will never come. You don't know how hard it is to pretend everything's alright even if it's not. You don't know _anything_! And why do you care anyway? Why does it matter?"

"Because _I_ care for you, Zero! We _all _care!"

"I know. I know you do. But you will never understand how hard it is to love someone who will never love you back." Zero whispered brokenly, as he made his way to his room, away from Kain, away from everyone. He just wanted to be alone.

Zero spent the rest of the night crying. He cried and cried and cried and cried. He cried until he was sure there were no more tears left to cry. He cried for himself. He cried for his unrequited love. He cried for Kaname. He cried for everyone around. He just cried. And he didn't know why, but the tears never stopped flowing.

It was so unlike him. So unlike the high and mighty Zero Kiryuu of the past, the Zero before he met Kaname, the Zero who did not harbour an unrequited love, the Zero who was oblivious to the pain of loving someone. Where did that Zero go? Where did that strong and hardheaded Zero go?

When he first met Kaname in that café, Zero couldn't quite believe his eyes. Did a person as beautiful as that really exist? In the old and shabby café, Kaname was quite a sight, sitting there glazed as he was sipping his coffee. He looked like he was thinking about something, like he was lost in his own world. Zero really didn't notice he was staring until those blood red eyes met his. And that was the moment he, Zero Kiryuu, fell in love.

When he woke up the next morning, Zero stared at his naked form in the mirror. He took in his puffy eyes and his bruised body. He wasn't quite sure where the bruises came from. he was sure he hadn't done anything to warrant them. But again, he pretended they weren't there.

* * *

Two weeks after that Kaname came home. And Zero was happy. Sure, he barely spared Zero a glance but the lilac eyed boy didn't really care. As long as Kaname was home, he was happy. Kaname said he'd be home for at least three days and Zero was determined to make the most out of it because who knows when the brunette will come home again? It might be a month before he gets to see Kaname again. So he'll just have to make the most out of his three days.

And so he cooked for Kaname, did laundry for Kaname, massaged Kaname's stiff body and made love with Kaname. Zero did as much as he possibly could for the man and on their last night together, as they were lying side by side, he wanted to cry. But again, he pretended to be okay.

"Kaname?"

"Hm?" Kaname opened his eyes to look at the naked form in his arms, who was cuddling his chest, seeking for warmth.

"I love you, Kaname. Till death and until then." Zero said the words so softly that it was a miracle Kaname even heard him. Kaname tensed as Zero said those three words but he immediately relaxed, closing his blood red orbs, seemingly deep in thought.

"I know."

Zero smiled a bittersweet smile as he delved deeper into the man's embrace. Kaname never told him the three words he wanted to hear the most. Not once…even after four years, not even once. But Zero was content. At least Kaname knew. At least Kaname knew that he loved him so much. So much that it hurt.

After those three happy days, Zero's life was back to his normal routine: waiting, hoping, longing, failing. But in between those two, he also gave more attention to his body. Lately, he hadn't been feeling really well. In fact, he hadn't been feeling well at all.

Sometimes when he woke up in the morning, his body ache all over. And sometimes he had nosebleeds too. It was really odd, really. The bruises on his body didn't seem to go away and instead they increased. He started feeling very faint too, sometimes vomiting his guts out.

This continued for weeks and weeks and weeks but Zero ignored it. Maybe it was just something he ate.

* * *

Zero was quietly reading the book he just bought from the store when the doorbell rang. He wondered who it was, turns out it was Kain, there to check up on him.

It was awkward. After his outburst that night, he hadn't really talked to Kain and now, he was here in his house, checking up on him and seeing if he was eating well and all. He must have been forced to come but Zero was oddly touched by Kain's genuine concern, asking him if he was eating enough vegatables and if he hadn't been starving himself.

After fussing, they settled in the living room to watch TV. They still haven't talked about what happened that night. Zero figured he had to say sorry. He had been such a real ass to Kain even though the man was just worried about him. He was about to say sorry when Kain interrupted him with a statement he really didn't expect to hear.

"I love you."

Zero was speechless. What did he just say? "Kain. W-"

"I love you, Zero. Ever since that day in the park, I have loved you." Kain continued, not giving Zero the chance to speak. He then gathered a stunned Zero in his arms, whispering over and over and over again how much he loved the man, telling him to please just leave Kaname and be his instead.

Zero was so shocked. He started to feel faint again. He was dizzy and the world was spinning and then everything just went black.

Zero was slowly awakened by the steady beep of a machine. The first thing he noticed was the stark white ceiling he was staring at. He must be at a hospital. He fainted, didn't he? He then noticed a shock of orange beside him.

Kain. The man was sleeping so peacefully, clutching his hand like it was his lifeline, that it reminded Zero of a puppy. A faithful, loyal puppy. And Zero couldn't help but remember what happened that day.

'_I love you, Zero. Ever since that day in the park, I have loved you."_

Zero's heart clenched painfully. Someone finally told him those three words…yet it was not from the man whom he wanted to hear it from. Kaname…

Zero wondered what Kaname would do if he knew Kain loved Zero. Nothing probably. The man couldn't be bothered. Zero sighed. As Zero pushed the depressing thoughts from his mind, he studied the sleeping man before him.

Like Kaname, Kain was a beauty. He had such a beautifully sculpted face. Chestnut shaped eyes, long nose, high cheekbones, pink full lips. He was really beautiful and really adorable.

_But he was nothing compared to Kaname,_ a voice quipped somewhere in Zero's head. And Zero couldn't help but agree. He knew it was wrong to compare the man he loved to the man who loved him yet…he just couldn't stop himself. They were just too different. _Too different._

Kain was kind, patient and sweet. He loved chocolate and loved going to the zoo. He was an animal lover and he absolutely despised any form of violence.

Kaname was ruthless yet kind, patient yet impatient, cruel yet sweet. He hated sweets yet loved strawberry cake. He was allergic to cats yet he wanted to own one. The man was a contradiction.

And they were both so different, so very different.

But the big difference was: Kain loved him while Kaname didn't.

Zero's eyes softened as Kain mumbled something in his sleep. He slowly touched the orange locks and was surprised by its softness. Just like Kaname's.

The orange-haired man started to stir and Zero withdrew his hand. "Good morning, sleepyhead." He greeted softly. It slightly hurt to speak.

Kain's eyes widened. "Zero! How are you feeling? Are you okay?"

Zero smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Kain cupped Zero's cheeks, carefully examining his face for any sign of discomfort or pain. "Are you sure? You really scared me, you know."

Zero nodded, staring straight into those amber orbs. They stayed like that for Zero knows how long until a knock broke the spell. A man in a white lab coat entered the room, followed by a nurse who was holding a clipboard.

"I see you're awake, Kiryuu-kun. I'm Dr. Hidekawa, your attending physician. Are you feeling faint? Or maybe aching somewhere?"

Zero shook his head. He felt fine actually. Better than he had been for weeks now.

"That's good then. But you see," The doctor hesitated, "we did some tests and we…well, we didn't get such good results."

Zero felt Kain tense. "What do you mean, doctor? Is there something wrong with Zero?"

The doctor's face turned grave, as if he was about to say something he wish he didn't have to. "Well, I'm sorry to say this but according to the results, Kiryuu-kun has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. And at the phase he is right now, any possibility of recovery is slim to none."

Zero felt his world collapse. He couldn't believe it. He had what? Leukemia? But… how? Why? When? Questions seemed to pop out of every corner. He just couldn't believe it. Leukemia, he had leukemia. Kain seemed to have gone stiff beside him.

"H-h-how long?" He managed choke out. How long did he have to live?

The doctor looked at him sadly. "Three months at most."

* * *

2 months have passed since Zero found out he had leukemia. Two months since the earth shaking revalation he had. After that, Zero just felt numb. He was dying. At the age of 27, he was dying.

After the numbness wore off, Zero had been angry. Why him? Why _him_? What did he do to deserve to die so young? He still wanted to do a lot of things in life! He still wanted to do so many, many things with Kaname. So many things he wanted to do…yet so…so little time.

After the anger wore off, despair followed. Then self-pity and then back to the numbness. After a while though, with the help of Kain, he achieved acceptance. He was going to die. Three months from then he was going to die. There was so little time left and he shouldn't waste it with these useless feelings.

So then he did what he did best: He waited.

"Zero?" There was a soft knock on the door as Kain slid it open. "I brought lunch and the notebook you asked me to buy. "

"Thank you." Zero smiled, even though it somewhat hurt. Even smiling was hard to do now. His body was so weak and he hurt all over. Sometimes the morphine didn't even do anything to relieve the pain. Who would have thought dying would be so painful? With all the pain he's experienced, you would have thought the heavens would have been kind enough to give him the luxury of dying a painless death.

"You should eat. It would make you stronger. And maybe then we could go outside. The lilies in the garden have bloomed, you know. You love lilies, right? Maybe we could go tomorrow or the day after."

Kain continued to talk as Zero slowly ate his meal. It was a wonder how this silent man seemed to have changed so much in the past two months. He seemed to talk more now, filling the silence in Zero's life, in Zero's heart. Kain spent most of his time with Zero. Keeping the ill man company, just talking about random things like his pet dog or how beautiful the ocean was at night or personal things about himself and his life. He kept on talking and talking and talking as if he wanted, _needed_, Zero to know more of him before he passed away. He desperately clung on Zero's life like it was his own.

Zero tuned out Kain's voice as he looked outside his window. It was such a beautiful day outside; sunny but not so. Just the right amount of sun and the right amount of warm breeze. How badly Zero wanted to go outside. But he couldn't. Going outside just worsened his condition.

"What time are the others coming?" Zero suddenly asked, surprising Kain who just gave him another soft smile.

"They should be here anytime. They're just finishing up the meeting with Kaname…" Kain faltered as he mentioned Kaname's name.

Zero flinched. Kaname. Kaname. Kaname didn't know that Zero was sick. He didn't know that Zero was dying. Kaname didn't know and Zero wanted it to remain that way. He didn't want Kaname to see him in such a weak state. When he died, he wanted Kaname to remember the strong and healthy Zero; not the dying and fragile one. It was selfish, yes. Because Kaname had the right to know.

But Zero really didn't want his lover to find out. Maybe he just wanted to punish Kaname for neglecting him…or maybe, maybe Zero was just afraid. Because if Kaname was here, if Kaname was right beside him when he died, then Zero would have a hard time letting go. He would have a hard time welcoming death…because Kaname, all he wanted to do was stay by Kaname's side forever. Even if it hurt.

Days passed and Kain never left his side. Zero was thankful for the company, thankful for the constant love and support Kain gave him. Though he knew it was selfish of him to keep on receiving love from the man yet never giving any in return, he still welcomed them. He was selfish, so very selfish. But he just wanted to feel loved, even for just awhile.

The others often visited him too, bathing him with gifts and love and comfort. And Zero made the most out of his time with them, remembering every smile, every joke and every laugh. He wanted to die full of their life.

Zero counted the days left before his untimely demise as he wrote on his newly found friend, his journal. 10 days left before he died. He was fine. He could manage till then, even if breathing was becoming so hard to do these days. He just had to finish writing in his journal, his final letter for Kaname, his final wish.

9 days left till his heart stops beating.

8 days left till he stops breathing.

7 days left and still counting.

6 days left, the clock keeps on ticking.

5 days left, Zero felt his heart clenching.

4 days left, and he could feel death coming.

3 days left, and 3 more pages to fill.

2 days left, his energy starts to leave.

1 day left, getting up was such a task.

And now a few more hours left and he would completely lay still. Only Kain was with him. He asked the others not to come. He couldn't bear to see them crying, to see them weeping for the friend they were about to lose.

A cough racked Zero's body, blood staining his deathly pale hands. Kain clutched his other hand tightly, knowing it was just a matter of time till he died. He clutched it like there was no tomorrow and Zero almost laughed at the irony. Because really, there would be _no_ tomorrow. Today was the day he would leave the world for good and he could already feel it coming, draining his body's energy like a vacuum.

"Zero." The silver haired boy looked at the man beside him. "I love you. I always have and always will. I just…I just wanted you to know that you made me really happy these past few years. Even if I was just watching you from afar, I was really, really, really happy. I" Kain choked. "…I will never forget you, Zero. Thank you for making me happy. I'm so glad I met you."

Zero smiled, beckoning Kain to come closer. Kain was just so good to him and it made him feel warm inside. He then kissed the man's cheeks, basking in the momentary touch of lips to skin, as he softly whispered 'Thank you for loving me' in the man's ear. Kain sobbed at that, crying silently as he resumed clutching Zero's hand, waiting for the inevitable moment.

Zero looked outside his window. It was yet another beautiful day; sunny but not so. Just the right amount of sun and the right amount of warm breeze. Come to think of it, it was on a day like this he first met Kaname. How badly Zero wanted to go outside. But he couldn't and he knew he would never be able to go outside again…ever again.

As he looked outside, he wondered. He thought about the 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens' in his life. What if it was Kain he met in that coffee shop? What if it was Kain's amber eyes that met his on that day? What if he fell in love with Kain instead of falling in love with Kaname?

Would he have been happy? Maybe.

Would he have been free from the pain Kaname inflicted? Probably.

But would he have been completely and utterly and irrevocably happy? He didn't think so.

Because Zero knew that even if it was Kain he had met that day, even if it was Kain who asked him out first, fate would still find a way to bring him and Kaname together. He would still have fallen in love with the brunette. And yes, he might have loved Kain, but he would always love Kaname more.

So Zero didn't regret meeting Kaname. He didn't regret it at all. The 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens' would always remain like they are now: fantasies. Fantasies of a future that could once have been, fantasies of a future that would never be.

As Zero slowly closed his eyes, he could faintly hear Kain's pleas for him to stay awake. But he payed it no mind. He was incredibly sleepy and tired. All he wanted to do now was close his eyes and sleep. And maybe dream, dream of Kaname, dream of his one true love one last time.

As his mind started to drift away from reality and to oblivion, Zero started to dream. He dreamt of the first time he met Kaname, the day he fell in love. And it was nice. He would have the most wonderful dream ever. Ah, what a good way to die.

* * *

Zero was staring intently at the man in the room. He was incredibly beautiful…like an angel, a dark angel who fell from the heavens, Zero decided. But as he looked at the man, he felt like he should be remembering something. Something important, something very important. But his thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he noticed blood red eyes staring directly into his lilac ones.

Zero felt electricity jolt through his body. The dark angel's eyes were so very mesmerizing. It was like being drowned in sweet, sweet wine, to the point of being drunk. He slowly approached the man who smiled at him and beckoned him to come closer.

When he was finally an arm's length away, Zero was surprised that the man could be any more handsome. He was even more beautiful up close. The brunette smiled and it sent shivers down Zero's spine. "My name's Kaname. Kaname Kuran. What's yours?" He tilted his head to the side in question.

"Zero. Zero Kiryuu." He squeaked. He _squeaked_. How embarrassing.

Kaname's eyes crinkled in amusement at the boy's blush, his smile still in place. "Well, it seems like both you and I are alone today, Zero. So if it isn't too much, would you like to have coffee with me?"

Zero's heart skipped a beat. Of course he would have coffee with this man. He would even go to bed with him if he asked.

But Zero vaguely remembered that he had something important to _remember_. A memory popped up, of someone dying with a peaceful and happy smile on his lips. But Zero brushed it off. It wasn't important right now. He would just think about it tomorrow.

_If tomorrow comes…_a voice quipped, which again, Zero ignored. Instead, he focused his attention to the man before him. He knew he had something important to remember. But it could wait. Because now, at this very moment, his dreams were finally about to come true.

And that was the day Zero Kiryuu fell in love once again….and died. For the great pretender is now no more.

'_I love you, Kaname. Till death and until then.'_

* * *

**PLEASE READ!**

A/N: Okay, so ohmygod. I'm so happy I finished this story. But **before** you guys flame me for making Kaname the bad guy, please read this first. This story is just the first of The Great Pretender Trilogy. This talks about Zero's side of the story, his pain, his sadness and his love.

The next story i'll be posting will be about Kain's side of the story. About how, why, and when he fell in love with Zero and about his unrequited love for the man.

After Kain's side, i'll be posting Kaname's. In that story, all the conflicts and questions you have will be answered. Did he really love Zero? Why was he such an ass to Zero? Everything will be answered and I hope it will be just as sad as this fic and I hope you guys will still like it.

So anyway, thanks for reading that. Just wanted to clear it up before you guys bash me or something. So again, **NO FLAMES** **PLEASE**. If you don't like the story, tell me kindly. Dont tell me to die and just go fuck myself because it hurts, okay?

So anyway, please review! I would greatly appreciate your comments. I love y'all and I hope you guys liked this fic :)

**~ violetkisses**


	2. AN: Please read

**Author's note:**

Hey guys! To all who added this story to their alert list, just wanted you to know that Kain's side is up. Just check out my profile to see it. And Kaname's side will be posted really soon :))

To all those who reviewed this story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much and I'm so glad you guys like it. Your reviews made me *sniff* T_T

So, thank you again and enjoy reading!

**~ Violetkisses**


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